6.30.2008

31,536,000 Seconds

31,536,000 seconds... 525,600 minutes... 8,760 hours... 365 days... 52 weeks... 12 months... 1 year...

katy, thanks for the best year of my life! i just wanted you to know how much you mean to me and what the past year has meant. words can't describe how i feel when i look back on my life so far and where it has taken me. i thank God everyday that you saw something in me... some potential of what you wanted in a husband. thanks for the happiest, most enjoyable, challenging and rewarding year of my life. i can't wait to see what the future has in store for us... and i can't wait to live out the rest of my life with you by my side. you've been my rock when i needed it, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, a kiss to help me greet each morning and a smiling heart to help me leave each day behind. thanks for all that you do for me, to keep me happy, to encourage me, to be my biggest fan. i love you more than words can express!

31,536,001 seconds... 31,536,002 seconds... 31,536,003...






katy" i said,

"i think i'm gonna marry you."

and she said,

"are you asking me,

or are you telling me?"

"i'm asking you".

"well go ahead and ask me, then".

and so i did,

and she accepted,

and we went out into our days.




i won't break, i will wait, i won't hide, i will stay, i'll never run away

when i'm sick i will try, when you're you're scared i will smile, i'll never run away

i'll never run away


congratulations,

you've blown us all away

Forget the waiting,

no one needs those games

i'll celebrate it,

so simple and so plain

congratulations, now never run away.

6.26.2008

Dollar Bill

what do you remember about things when you first purchase them? the way it looks in your eyes? they way it feels in your hands? how about the way something brand new to you smells? that's an unusual trait, but sometimes i can think back on something and recall the exact way something smells... my first new car, our high school locker room, the first cd i purchased.

that's right, i can recall exact smell of the first cd i bought, sweet oblivion by screaming trees. i opened that plastic packaging in the fall on 1992, and the smell of the paper liner notes, plastic case and metallic disk instantly became a perminant fixure in my memory bank. see, it was more than just a new cd to me, it was a new era of enjoyment, purchased for a reasonable price at the now defunct smash hit music on san pedro. like i said, i remember weird things. i recall listening to that cd over and over again, and being amazed at the simplicity of being able to change tracks, rewind, fast foward, pause, stop, etc.

but more than that, it signified a death of an era also... see, i was a big fan of the 'mix tape'. only, back BCD (before cd's), i had to transfer music from one tape to another, or even worse, from the radio to tape. i had an entire desk drawer full of mix tapes that i had made, edited, labeled, etc. and with the horrible inaccuracies of tape and radio, there were always little portions of songs clipped off, dj's talking over the beginning or ends of songs, etc. suddenly, with the purchase of one cd, all the guess work was a thing of the past. now i knew exactly when to press play, pause, record, stop, etc. suddenly, i was a master!

by the way, that album is still one of my favorite cd's, so i'm glad i made a wise decision with my first purchase. there's one song in particular that i really enjoy over all the others, track 3, dollar bill. i don't know exactly what it is about this song, but it always seems to take me back to a simplier time, an easier time, a time when my biggest concern was "are there anymore blank tapes?"...







torn like an old dollar bill
girl let them say what they will
that no one should hurt you
and that's all i seem to do
that no one should desert you
and that's all i seem to do

a got to tell you, goodbye mama
we've taken this too far
been trying to tell you what's going on
trying to make it easy on you
trying to make it better
make it easier on you
it's all i came to do
it's all i came to do

now i'm down in the light
and i must be dreaming it
cause i see clearly, i see angels here
bringing something to me, mother mercy

i told a lie, i didn't mean it
goodbye mama, i've taken this too far
been gone a while
been gone a long way, oh yeah

i don't want to hurt you
it's all i seem to do
don't want to desert you
it's all i seem to do

i got to tell you, goodbye mama
i've taken this too far
been down a while
been down a long way
trying to make it easy on you
trying to make it better
make it easier on you
it's all i came to do
it's all i came to do
it's all i came to do
that's all...
been down a long
been down a long, long way

torn like an old dollar bill

6.22.2008

Seven Spanish Angels

today...i cheated death.

let me explain.

several years back, i decided that i wanted the song Seven Spanish Angels by ray charles and willie nelson played at my funeral (whenever that may be), and i still feel the same way today. there's something about that song...the music, the voices, the words that all for some reason connect with me. call me old, or weird, or both...but the amazing voices of ray charles and willie nelson, coupled with a soulful melody on piano and lyrics that spark emotions of love and loss...what a combination! so, needles to say, that song will one day be played after i'm gone.

which was almost today.

see, i was driving by myself on i-10 this afternoon near leon springs. any of you who have been near there lately know that the driving conditions are not quite what you'd call "optimal". with construction seeming to be neverending and the amount of cars traveling on that 2-lane highway, i'm suprised more accidents don't occur.

anyway, i was driving, listening the new cd i had just purchased (pete yorn - nightcrawler)...but more that that, i was having a little time with God. see, several things happened today that really made me step back and think, collect my thoughts, assess situations, give thanks to God, wonder what all it meant and envision what's to come from it.

as i was traveling, thinking, thanking and praying along this 2-lane highway with temporary concrete barriers on each side of the road, a car proceeded to cut-off a semi-truck traveling in the lane next to me. in order for this semi-truck to miss the vehicle that had swerved in front of it, the semi-truck had to swerve into my lane. in "optimal" conditions on a normal highway, this would have presented me with a need to make a rather quick decision in order to avoid collision...but, given the fact that this was a construction area and there were concrete barriers on each side of the road, a "rather" instant decision would have been too late.

so, without even thinking, i hit the brakes and criss-crossed just inches behind the truck in order to avoid a potentially fatal mishap of my car; and more importantly, myself; becoming crushed between the concrete barrier and the semi. luckily, there were no vehicles immedately behind the truck...because, if there had been, i would have collided with them at a rather high rate of speed. now, i'm not amping up the story for dramatic effect, it really was a matter of an inch or two between collision and safety.

after brakes screached, horns blew and hearts dropped, everyone realized that travesty had been adverted and continued on to their destinations. i immediately took the next exit; which wasn't but a couple hundred yards ahead; pulled onto the grassy shoulder of the access road and tried to catch my breath.

and that's when i noticed it...

somehow, during the confusion and thoughtless reactions of the road, i had hit the mode button on my steering wheel while trying to escape the incident. the cd that i had just purchased minutes earlier was no longer playing. now, the radio was tuned to 107.9, a station i had never listened to in my life...and playing for me was Seven Spanish Angels by ray charles and willie nelson. i just sat there, listening in disbelief. only seconds after i had just nearly died, the song i have always wanted playing at my funeral was singing out to me. my immediate thought was, "am i dead?".

i gathered my emotions, check for cars and pulled back onto the road to head home. as i drove home, what had just occured made me step back and think, collect my thoughts, assess situations, give thanks to God, wonder what all it meant and envision what's to come from it... all over again...



(click here for a better video)

he looked down into her brown eyes,
said, " say a prayer for me."
she threw her arms around him,
whispered, "God will keep us free."
and they could hear the riders comin,
he said, "this is my last fight.
if they take me back to texas,
they won't take me back alive."

and there were seven spanish angels,
at the alter of the sun.
they were prayin' for the lovers,
in the valley of the gun.
and when the battle stopped,
and the smoke cleared.
there was thunder from the throne.
and seven spanish angels,
took another angel home.

she reached down and picked the gun up,
that lay smokin in his hand.
said, "Father please forgive me,
i can't make it without my man."
and she knew the gun was empty,
and she knew she couldn't win.
but her final prayer was answered,
when the rifles fired again.

and there were seven spanish angels,
at the alter of the sun.
they were prayin' for the lovers,
in the valley of the gun.
and when the battle stopped,
and the smoke cleared.
there was thunder from the throne.
and seven spanish angels,
took another angel home.

6.20.2008

Anyone Else But You

this song is from the wonderful movie, juno. below are 2 videos...the first is this song performed by the two stars of the movie, michael cera and ellen page...the second video being by the actual song artist, the moldy peaches.

this song, and more particularly, the two characters; juno and bleeker performing the song; perfectly ties together the entire concept of this movie...that two people could find each other in this huge, crazy world. i guess i've been thinking a lot about that idea lately, seeing as katy and my first anniversary is coming up in a matter of days. it's great to know that after all the things i've gone through to get to this place, i found someone in this huge, crazy world. wizard!







you're a part time lover and a full time friend
the monkey on you're back is the latest trend
i don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
but you

i kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
i kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
i don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
but you

here is the church and here is the steeple
we sure are cute for two ugly people
i don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
but you

the pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
so why can't, you forgive me?
i don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
but you

i will find my nitch in your car
with my mp3 DVD rumple-packed guitar
i don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
but you

du du du du du du dudu
du du du du du du dudu
du du du du du du dudu du

up up down down left right left right B A start
just because we use cheats doesn't mean we're not smart
i don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
but you

you are always trying to keep it real
i'm in love with how you feel
i don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
but you

we both have shiny happy fits of rage
you want more fans, I want more stage
i don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
but you

don quixote was a steel driving man
my name is adam I'm your biggest fan
i don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
but you

squinched up your face and did a dance
you shook a little turd out of the bottom of your pants
i don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

du du du du du du dudu
du du du du du du dudu
du du du du du du dudu du
but you

6.19.2008

Stars In The Universe

this week i've been focused on two areas of The Word. i don't really know why i picked these two, i think they kind of picked me. they are: Matthew 7 and Philippians 2. all day today (while i should be working), i've been focusing on a few specific areas of these chapters.

Matthew 7:1 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged"

Matthew 7:3 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."

Philippians 2:14-15 "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe"

how difficult is it to live without judging and without complaining? are you kidding me, that's a constant struggle for pretty much everyone. and i think those two things go hand in hand. we see someone doing something, and we judge and complain...it's practically second nature.

while pondering this though on the way back from lunch today, there was someone driving ahead of me...and let's just say their driving abilities were "less than desireable". immediately, caught up in the moment, i forgot about what i had been studying all week and got annoyed. i saw the speck of dust in their eye but paid no attention to the huge tree in my own!

how often do we see something and remember that we're sinners too...that we mess up all the time also... that we're called to "consider them better than ourselves". i know i don't do it nearly often enough. perhaps that's why the stars in the universe seem so far away from us sometimes...

The Luckiest

do you ever hear a song and immediately get humorisly upset because you wish you had written it? well, that's me on this song. it's a few years old, and ever since the first time i heard it, i wanted what ben folds is describing in this song...the cool thing is, now i have it! it's the perfect defination in my mind of what love is, and what it means to be in love!

this song describes my love life very well. for years and years, i had wrong turns...i stumbled and fell...but all those things happened for a reason. they led me to my wonderful wife, katy. she is the exact thing i needed in my life...only i didn't realize it until i found it! thanks, babe, for being perfect for me. i love you more than i have ever found a way to say to you!




i don't get many things right the first time
in fact, i am told that a lot
now i know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
brought me here

and where was i before the day
that i first saw your lovely face?
now i see it everyday
and i know

that i am
i am
i am
the luckiest

what if i'd been born fifty years before you
in a house on a street where you lived?
maybe i'd be outside as you passed on your bike
would i know?

and in a white sea of eyes
i see one pair that i recognize
and i know

that i am
i am
i am
the luckiest

i love you more than i have ever found a way to say to you

next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
and one day passed away in his sleep
and his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
and passed away

i'm sorry,
i know that's a strange way to tell you that i know we belong

that i know
that i am
i am
i am
the luckiest

6.17.2008

Anti-Green

i carpooled to work today. i was picked up at my front door this morning by another guy from work and will be dropped off again at my house this afternoon. total cost of fuel i consumed today: zero dollars! a couple days from now, we will switch roles, and he will be gas-free for the day. what a clever concept, when the world changes, change with it.

so, why is it so hard to change? why do so many people fight it? sitting around having a cup of coffee today, i heard 3 guys complain about so many things...but never offer a solution to fix it. in fact, most of their complaints were directed at the proposed solutions. below are some of their complaints.

problem: global warming. they sit around and complain about al gore and his desire to get the world to be less dependent on oil and other harmful chemicals being released into our atmosphere. their defense: "why should we change the way we live...do we really think mexico and china are planning on cleaning up their act?"

problem: gas prices: they laugh at the people buying compact cars and moped's and driving them to work each day. their defense: "sure, they'll save $1000 in gas, but they'll be paying $9000 in doctors bills when they get in a wreck with an suv."

problem: gas prices (again): they laugh at the stories on the news that shows people taking the bus to work each day. their defense: "i don't want to be riding on public transportation with 'those' people."

problem: recycling: they complain about how recycling just isn't convinent. "why can't others do the sorting?", they say. their defense: "if i have to rinse out all the plastic bottles and soda cans, my water bill will go up, and that will cause a water shortage."

their excuses went on and on. finally, i got up and left. sometimes the negativity of people really frustrates me. i just hope that i'm not around it for so long that it eventually starts to become me too. i'd like to think that i don't just take the easy way out of something, point out a flaw in the system (however ridiculious the flaw may be), and use it as an excuse to stay stuck in my ways. i hope that as the world changes, i change with it...

6.13.2008

Change

now, i'm not really a tracy chapman fan...but one night a couple years ago i heard her perform this song on the tonight show and the very next day i was out buying the album...so apparently there's something about this song that struck me. i'm not sure exactly what it was that spurred the connection in me, but i'm sure it had something to do with the changes that were and needed to be occuring in my life. i mean, it is called "change", after all!

this song poses some very interesting questions. i think the most interesting (and powerful) question would be the very first one the song asks: if you knew that you were going to die, would you be able to recognize God and love... or would you be too broken and bitter to see God's love for you in all fear and pain? would you change?






if you knew that you would die today
saw the face of God and love
would you change?
would you change?

if you knew that love can break your heart
when you're down so low that you cannot fall
would you change?
would you change?

how bad, how good, does it need to get?
how many losses? how much regret?
what chain reaction would cause an effect?
makes you turn around
makes you try to explain
makes you forgive and forget,
makes you change
makes you change

if you knew that you would be alone
knowing right, being wrong,
would you change?
would you change?

if you knew that you would find a truth
that would bring a pain that can't be soothed
would you change?
would you change?

how bad, how good, does it need to get?
how many losses? how much regret?
what chain reaction would cause an effect?
makes you turn around
makes you try to explain
makes you forgive and forget,
makes you change
makes you change

are you so up right
you can't be bent
if it comes to blows
are you so sure you won't be crawling
if not for the good why risk falling
why risk falling?

if everything you think you know
makes your life unbearable
would you change?
would you change?

if you'd broken every rule and vow
and hard times come to bring you down
would you change?
would you change?

if you knew that you would die today,
if you saw the face of God and loved
would you change?
would you change?

if you saw the face of God and loved
if you saw the face of God and loved
would you change?
would you change?

6.12.2008

Ramblings

1. the flesh is weak
over the past couple days, the theme "the flesh is weak" has either been read by me in one way or another, told to me by someone else concerning their life, or 'randomly' popped into my head at least 15 times. i think i'm beginning to see a theme here! i'm not sure yet what God's trying to tell me, but i know He reveals Himself in many things...and i can only assume that this is something. all i have so far is that perhaps i am relying a bit too much on myself and my flesh rather than relying on Him in all things.

"So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature." Galatians 5:16

2. bumper stickers
on the way to work this morning, i saw a man driving a truck in front of me with 2 bumper stickers on the back of it...one on each side. one said "Real Men Love Jesus", the other read "Get Tuff In Iraq Or Get The Hell Out". isn't that a bit contradictory!? how can you love Jesus and wanna get tough and kill people? people confuse me sometimes. of course, yesterday i also saw a tag in a wallet that read "Genunine Leather - Made in India"... don't they worship cows in India? perhaps there are some things that we just shouldn't try to make sense of!

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." Colossians 3:15

3. homeless lady
while pondering the irony of this man's bumper stickers (and the relation to the sacred cow wallet), i continued my drive to work. i passed the corner where the homeless lady i refer to occassionally is always at...only she hasn't been there in about 2 weeks now. after seeing her consistently everyday for well over a year, it's odd not to see her. what's even more difficult is that i have no idea where she's at...and my mind wanders. is she hanging out, feeding birds somewhere else now? has she found a home? has someone taken her in? did she pass away? did she win the lottery? my mind thinks of so many possibilities for where she may be...but the fact of the matter is, i will probably never know what happened to her...she's just...gone. and as my mind wanders, i realize again, "the flesh is weak"...

"Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy." Matthew 5:5-7

6.10.2008

Caffeine

as i sit here sipping on my extremely hot grande starbucks pike's place drip coffee, i wanted to share some info about the caffeine content of various drinks that we all consume on a daily basis. click here for the link to the caffeine database, which calls itself "the most complete list of beverage caffeine content online". now, that's saying something...after all, we all know the internet doesn't lie! i did find out that the 16 ounces of coffee i'm currently enjoying contains 330 mg of caffeine, while the typical "energy drink" (red bull, amp, rock star, monster, etc.) only contains on average 118 mg of caffeine, while being nearly the same amount of fluid. interesting stuff (thanks kyle for even putting the idea in my head to research the caffeine content of various beverages... we are dorks)! if you're ever feeling really, really tired, or if you need to drive cross-country without sleep, try ammo...1 ounce, 171 mg of caffeine. or perhaps after drinking one of those, you should drive yourself to the hospital, because you're probably gunna have a heart attack...

6.06.2008

The Death of The SUV

dearly beloved. we gather here today to mourn the demise of the sport utility vehicle, or "SUV" as its friends liked to call it.


the gas-guzzler lived a full life, driving in the fast lane from the 1990s to the mid-2000s. alas, it fell ill a few years ago and never recovered. and really, we can't say the death came as a surprise. for years, folks complained about the environmental impact of low-mileage vehicles. over time, those voices grew louder, but still the SUV fought on, proudly taking up two parking spaces and scaring hybrids from its lane.


but then, gas prices soared and the SUV's vital signs plummeted. as much as people love large cars, the costs to keep fuel in the tank proved too much to take. as the New York Times reported, it now costs $100k to own and keep a similarly inefficient full size pickup running for five years. and so people pulled the plug on their trucks and SUVs, taking the beleaguered vehicles off life support and into the museum of dead car fads.


U.S. News and World Report has written a thoughtful and compelling obit on the yuppie chariot. read it and remember the SUV's positive qualities as well as its faults. it's what it would have wanted.


this week, automobile sales reports show that for the first time in over 15 years, the #1 selling vehicle in america is not the ford f-150 truck. in fact, it's not even the #2 or #3, but the #5 selling vehicle in america, behind 4 fuel-efficient sedans. looks like i sold the SUV just in time!

6.05.2008

Worlds Apart

a few years back, i heard some skinny white guy with dreds and a bandana on his head play this song, and it changed my perception of what christian music "had" to sound like, forever. it was dark, it was mysterious, it was raw, it was emotional, it was broken, it was honest. it was exactly what i needed to hear in order to actually open my ears (and my heart) to what pretty much all christian music (often poorly) tries to communicate...that we're sinners and need Jesus in our lives. basically, i credit this song, and in many ways my friend daniel duce (the skinny white guy with dreds and bandana who played the song) for helping me realize that. this song really is a cry out for help and a thank you note all at once. "the battle between grace and pride".

this saturday morning, katy and our friend taylor will play this song (among others) for the church under the bridge san antonio, to a couple hundred people, most of them being homeless. they will play this song to the people who are dark, who are mysterious, who are emotional, who are broken. my prayer is that they'll receive it in the same way i did, as a cry out for help and a thank you...





i am the only one to blame for this
somehow it all ends up the same
soaring on the wings of selfish pride
i flew too high and like icarus i collide
with a world i try so hard to leave behind
to rid myself of all but love
to give and die

to turn away and not become
another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
of a world embracing every heartache

can i be the one to sacrifice
or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

to love you - take my world apart
to need you - i am on my knees
to love you - take my world apart
to need you - broken on my knees

all said and done i stand alone
amongst remains of a life i should not own
it takes all i am to believe
in the mercy that covers me

did you really have to die for me?
all i am for all you are
because what i need and what i believe are worlds apart

i look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
"dull the nails that still remain"
more and more i need you now,
i owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
i gave up not so long ago
so steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things i cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that i despise
speak the words i can't deny
watch the world i used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
i look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
"dull the nails that still remains"
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things i cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart,
take my world apart
i pray, i pray, i pray
take my world apart